Prologue:

I close my eyes once more, hoping that today would be the last day I remember.
It’s never like that though. Every time I wish for the world to do me good it back fires; letting me live once more in the putrid world. I can only hope today goes by plan.
Lucky my door has a lock on it so no one can come disturb me and I can rest in peace. They can come disturb me when I’m finished.
I inhale one last breath of the sweet scent of smoke, letting the bud i grasped in my hand drop to the ground.
I pick up the razor I kept in my draw on the left shutting it once i reached my razor.
Smiling I raise the razor up to the light and let it dig deep in my skin, the blood seeps out going around my arms.
Blood drips onto the bed, I don’t even bother moving away from the covers anymore.
My heart pounds my chest starts to ache, this pain doesn’t bother me as much as the emotional scaring that the boy I love gives me each and everyday day.
The tears tremble down my red inflamed cheeks, as I know now this is the last day I will live.
The music gets louder and louder, the violin is sad, it makes me feel quivery. the music rushes through my mind leaving numb notes hanging in my mind.
becomming dizzy I drop the razor. Stabbing it into my scared red thighs.
I pick the razor up again, blood now rushes through my veins making the impulse. Its making my head hurt.
Its now a new pain I’ve found, but this one I cant deal with anymore I want it to end, its not as easy as the slicing of the thighs or wrists.
Getting the razor to stay gripped into my hand was harder then making me smile, the razor kept sleeping away even when i grasped it in my blooded hands I still accomplish it.
Pulling my thigh out of the bed covers onto the bedwas so difficult; my legs weighed so much now.
I’m woozier now, finding it difficult to breathe, I dig the razor into the scared inflamed thighs and write;
‘I fucking love you’.
Dropping the razor out of my blooded hand falling breathlessly onto the bed I quickly realise;
I dont want to die anymore only it was now to late…
Mid-Summer dream